Striving For Perfection As Imperfect Beings. Or, In Other Words, We’ll Always Do Dumb Things


Sleep; Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Have you ever been prescribed sleeping pills?  They work marvelously for the first few days, when you don’t have any obligations, then as soon as it’s the night before your first day back to work in 2015 you could swear that it’s a tiny white round piece of chalk?  That’s where I’m at.  I think I need them to work so badly so I can actually show up refreshed and able to function at work that I’ve intimidated them into not working at all.

I’ve been 3+ months without sleep since losing my father in 2014.  I toiled with this decision since I have researched how addictive they can be but I decided that I couldn’t go on being an exposed bundle of nerves in public, I didn’t want to share that with everyone outside of my front door.  So I saw my doctor over the holidays, presented a very well thought out diatribe that if I could get a few weeks of sleep into me it should alleviate my growing anxiety, weepiness, and more than likely get my body back into the routine of sleeping.

The first 2 nights I took them over the holidays was pure, almost instantaneous bliss.  I could see why people would become addicted to these pills…you’ve slept once in your life right?  Can we all agree that it’s amazing?

But…the sunday night before my first monday back…I pop a pill and………….nothing.  No glorious wave of nirvana sweeping my hyperactive thoughts into a sea of slumber, no satisfaction of the Sandman gently guiding me to a plush void of sleep, nothing but the nerve-wracking realization that I am back to square one.

This has been my continuity all week thus far.  I don’t know what I did to anger the rewarder of sleep but I will do ANYTHING to fix it, not taking more than one pill mind you, so almost anything.

My 2015 words are simple and pleading.  If you ever have a visit from that illusive mistress they call sleep, could you call me and I’ll be right over?  Never let her go, I miss her.  She’s the only woman I will ever sleep with and I want her to know that I’ll do (almost) anything to get her back.